If we have only learned one thing since the dawn of the internet, it’s that people everywhere have some pretty, shall we say, unique turn-ons.

Talking dirty, in comparison to some of the other ‘offerings’ out there is pretty middle-of-the-road, but it’s an almost unbeatable way to add a twist to your sex life. Get it right and you’ll have your partner in the palm of your hand – literally hanging on your every word – before you’ve even touched them.

Get it wrong though, and you could see them running for the hills screaming in terror while your face ends up plastered all over the local evening news, so pay attention to the following dirty talking tips.

Start Slow

If you’ve never really tried talking dirty, you’ve got some catching up to do, but don’t just flash it up from zero to hardcore like some horny teenager; you could come across as trying too hard, which is always awkward and a huge turn-off.

Keep it natural, test the water with some more generic demands or ideas, or even just descriptions of your arousal and body feelings as they occur to see how your partner reacts and pump up the volume from there.

Horses for Courses

No we’re not talking about that site you ‘accidentally’ stumbled across last night, more that the techniques you used in your last romance might not – nay, probably will not – work in this one.

A floating boat for one person is a sinking ship for another so once you’ve started slow, assess the land you’re about to lay then make your next move.

It’s Complimentary

There’s no bigger turn on than being told what you’re doing feels good. And even if it doesn’t feel good yet, instead of trying to control the situation, guide your lover with your dirty words of wisdom and let them do the same.

Complimenting your lover on how good they look while they’re doing something you like will also encourage them to do it more often. You like it, they like that you like it; what’s not to like?!


Whether you’re with your lover, getting some friends with benefits action or just enjoying a one night stand, telling the person you’re about to get busy with what you’re going to do to them is a great way to up the hotness levels.

Like with the previous tip, it’s probably not a bad idea to gauge what the other person might or might not be into, as what you suggest to a casual fling may well be very different from what you suggest to a long-term partner. Then again though – it might not.

Lead by Example

If you want your partner to be more vocal in bed but you’re not sure how they’ll react to you suggesting it, you can try it first to make them feel a bit less awkward.

But if it’s you doing the talking, be as clear and straight-forward as possible as the last thing you want in the middle of a steamy session is a confused lover trying to decipher a riddle you just whispered in their ear, as this lack of clarity will cause a distraction and possible drop in self-confidence.

Talking dirty is supposed to be fun, so it’s important that you don’t take it too seriously and getting stuck in to a sexy war of naughty words together is a great way to release any inhibitions.

So, as the great philosopher PicoBong Descartes (no relation) said in absolutely none of his works, your dirty words are worth a thousand pictures, use them wisely.

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