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Hostel Sex

So you finally did it. You’ve defied your parents, shocked your boss, dumped that deadbeat ex and bought that one way ticket to Paris. Your European summer sojourn is nearly underway, and the reservation confirmation email from your hostel near the Champs-Élysées has just made it all seem real.

And while life on the road is utterly and beautifully spontaneous and unpredictable, there are a few situations you’re guaranteed to find yourself in—among them being the ol’ hostel Where do we go to do this?

So to keep you in the know on the road to serendipitous sex, PicoBong has mapped out the top tips for sex in a hostel.

Debunk the Myth

While the opposite seems to be true, if you must have sex in your dorm room, the more bunks, the better. The reasoning behind this is that the more people in a dark room, the less likely unfamiliar people moving around making noise is going to raise any eyebrows. As others are snoring, sleeping and stumbling to catching that 4am train to Lyon, your slight movements will seem ambient.

The Sky’s the Limit

There’s nothing quite as romantic as the night sky over a foreign landscape—even if it’s viewed from a clothesline-filled rooftop peppered with beer bottles and butts of cheap cigarettes. If you’ve met someone special, access the hostel’s roof, keeping in mind the harder it is to get to, the more memorable and intimate the experience will be.

Go Off Campus

Adventure equals adrenaline. Taking your partner by the hand and saying “follow me” will make you seem confident and adventurous—two of the most appealing traits in a mate. If your hostel’s too crowded, walk around looking for an alley, vestibule, wooded area or other place to have sex outside—stopping spontaneously to kiss along the way.

Take a Bathroom Break

If push comes to shove, the bathroom, especially during the wee hours of the morning, is a great last resort for “privacy.” If you can’t find a single-lock private bathroom, use the men’s communal bathroom or shower over the woman’s—there’s much more of a stigma surrounding a man in the women’s room than vice versa.

Wrap it Up

This might sound obvious, but we can’t stress this enough. The open road is full of open minds, which are prone to opening their legs. If someone you’ve known for a duration of four Kronenbourg beers invites you to watch the sunset, chances are this isn’t the first (or last) time he or she made this move.

Regardless of how seemingly un-romantic your hostel fling might seem externally, the serendipity of two lives crossing in a land as foreign to you two as one another is a memorable experience that accumulates major life experience points—points doubled if you’re brave enough to travel with your sex toys.

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