Spring break is upon us… which can only mean one thing—it’s time to share a two-person hotel room with fifteen of your closest friends. And since prioritizing partying over privacy tends to be the theme of any spring break, PicoBong is here to serve up its top five locations and tips for having sex outdoors, so when you meet Mr. Right Now, you won’t be sexually stranded.
In the Car
Body-generated steam won’t fog up the windows for about seven minutes, so before you get to backseat business, shut a shirt or towel into the top corners of each back seat door, creating two makeshift curtains. Also remember that the sun also sets later in the summer, meaning you might want to wait until that late-night rest stop to pull over and get busy.
At the Beach
Flat, open and often full of vacationers, sex on the beach can be as risky in real life as it is romantic in the movies. After sunset, look for a spot of beach providing cover via rocks or sand dunes and refrain from using any other position than the spoon position. Wear a bathing suit or a sundress without panties, so if you need to pop up on a moment’s notice, you’ll be in your natural beachwear.
In a Public Park
When it comes to public parks, size matters. The bigger, more vegetated the park, the better, but don’t rely solely on Mother Nature for cover. Bring a variety of blankets for both warmth and privacy. In an isolated or forested area, get in between the blankets in the spoon position. Even if interlopers get curious from afar, it will appear you two are innocently cuddling.
On the Plane
Don’t expect your admission into the mile-high club to be an easy (or comfortable) one. The only sane way to pull this one off is on a long, overseas flight after dinner when the lights go down, and everyone reclines to sleep. One-by-one, sneak to the plane’s rear bathroom and make it quick. As a precaution, bring an air sickness bag along with you, so if there’s any knocking, you can pretend that one of you is sick, and the other is just being a caring partner.
In the Pool
As condoms are rather ineffective underwater, we recommend incorporating a raft to keep both you and your odds of sexual success afloat. In the shallow end of the pool, lie on the raft and have your man enter you from the standing position. If he needs extra leverage, move the raft toward the ledge of the pool. For added waves of pleasure, invite a waterproof bullet vibrator to your pool party.
While no excuse to not travel with your favorite sex toys, spring break is all about a much needed change of scenery. Having sex in the bedroom all the time is like eating at home all the time—you know what you’re going to get, you’ve have it a thousand times, and it does little more than fulfill a primitive, biological need. However, when you get out and taste new places, you diversify your pallet, broaden your horizons and treat yourself to an experience worth boasting about.