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Christmas Scrooge

Sexual Scrooges are everywhere. Disguised as everyday society-benefiting people, they roam freely amongst us.

But there’s another place you should take a look…the mirror!

Find out where you stand on the holiday season’s sexual scale with PicoBong™’s Sexual Scrooge Personality Test! Jot down your score for each question, total it up and cross your fingers as you read your result!

Class is in session! Good luck.

1. How often are the lights on during your lovemaking sessions?

I’m a vampire (1 point)

There’s a time and place for both (2 points)

Run up that electricity bill! (3 points)

2. During your last three sexual encounters, how many positions did you experience in total?

0-3 (1 point)

4-7 (2 points)

8-10 (3 points)

3. During sex, how high is the decibel level of your voice?

Ventriloquist (1 point)

Political activist (2 points)

Opera singer (3 points)

4. If the world ended today, how satisfied would you be with your sexual experiences?

What sexual experiences? (1 point)

Enh. I can’t complain. (2 points)

The Kama Sutra reads like a comic book to me (3 points)

5. If you’re at a party and people you barely know are talking about their sex lives in detail, how red does your face get?

Beet red (1 point)

I look pretty in pink (2 points)

Red?! I started the conversation! (3 points)

6. How often do your sex sessions end in the missionary position?

There are other positions? (1 point)

I don’t do yoga for nothin’ (2 points)

They call me the Human Pretzel (3 points)

7. Your partner is doing something you just cannot stand in the bedroom, every time! What do you do?

My attempts at telepathy will work eventually (1 point)

If it continues, I’ll speak up (2 points)

They know before they even know (3 points)

8. How similar are your sex sessions with a one-night stand compared to with a partner?

Night & day (1 point)

I tend to mix it up a bit (2 points)

Same pleasure, different person (3 points)

9. If you caught your partner watching erotica, you would feel a sense of:

Mortification (1 point)

Frustration (2 points)

Elation (3 points)

10. How strongly do you agree with this statement: To have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all.

Absolute B.S. (1 point)

I see their point (2 points)

Absolute truth (3 points)

OK! Stop! No cheating! Now, add your score and see where you stand on our Sexual Scrooge scale. Regardless of how you score, over the next few days we’ll be supplying you with info on how to mold yourself into the most sensual of the Sexual Santas in no time. Stay tuned!

10-16 total points = Sexual Scrooge: It can’t be, can it!? Well be thankful you’re reading this because PicoBong™ is here to turn that bedroom frown upside-down! As long as you didn’t score an absolute 0, there’s all the hope in the world to move up on the scale!

17-20 total points = Prude-olph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Well look on the bright side, you’re no Sexual Scrooge! While it’s obvious you’ve been pushing your boundaries recently, your score is proof that it’s time to up the ante on bedroom experimentation.

21-25 total points = Mrs. Claws (Meeeoooowww): You are certainly on Santa’s naughty list this year, but there are still quite a few names above yours. While you’re certainly well on your way to sexual stardom, a few “kinks” (wink wink) can turn you into a Sexual Santa by New Years.

26-30 total points = Sexual Santa: As the absolute antithesis of the Sexual Scrooge, you’ve whipped your sex life into shape as if it were Rudolph’s behind on Christmas Eve. Now it’s time to brag by sharing this quiz with your friends on Facebook, telling them your score, and if they fall short of Sexual Santa-age—guiding them out of their bedroom blues.

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