Like all your friends, we at PicoBong have come back from a long vacation with some stories. Unlike all your friends, we’re not going to shamelessly brag or clog up your newsfeed with a bunch of photos of us jumping in the air. Instead, in the interest of helping you have a stress-free summer sojourn, we’re going to ignore your pleas to read our travel blog and go ahead and recommend the best ways to travel with your toys.
Having recently zipped through a half-dozen airports and been felt up by twelve-too-many Transportation Security Agency (TSA) employees over the past few months, we’ve learned a thing or two about traveling with sex toys (and long distance relationships). And as proud as we are of our beautiful range of stylish products, we understand that having them inspected by airport security doesn’t exactly put the bon in your voyage.
So to take the burden off of you (you’re welcome), we awkwardly, yet gallantly ran the TSA gauntlet with bags full of our favorite toys, just to provide to you with (drum roll please)…the top five things to keep in mind when traveling with your sex toys.
Fasten your seat belts, folks. It’s time for takeoff.
1. Negative on the Batteries
Whether checked or carried on, your vibrator is only one unlucky bump away from being accidentally switched on. To avoid draining your battery, or worse, generating curiosity or panic as to why that unattended bag is rumbling and buzzing, remove your toy’s batteries while packing.
2. Wrap It Up
In the rare case your baggage does get searched, you don’t want one of the TSA’s gloved goons groping your gynecological gadget. Pack all of your toys in clear plastic bags. On top of being a sanitary storage option, see-through bags allow agents to easily identify your toys as harmless electronic devices.
3. Size Matters
Your size doesn’t matter argument won’t work with the TSA. Airport guidelines state that only “tools” under seven inches (17.5cm) may be carried on an aircraft. Lucky for you, vibes like KIKI™ 2 come in under five inches, meet this guideline with room (and strength) to spare.
4. Keep It Real
There are absolutely no rules against flying with sex toys in the U.S., so if curiosity should rise about your mystery gadget, openly tell the truth. TSA agents inspect thousands of people per week—they’ve seen it all, and their encounter with your vibrator won’t even make break room gossip.
5. Package Your Package
If the thought of a TSA agent handling your vibrator in public is too nerve-racking (you big baby), mailing your sex toys to your destination is probably your only alternative. However, we think you should live a little! Leaving the airport with a great story is the worst that could happen.
As a kid you never went on vacation without your toys, so why start now? Just keep our five helpful hints in mind, and your encounter with TSA BS will be A-OK.
And from now on, when you’re at the check-in counter and you’re asked if you’re traveling for business or pleasure, think of your friends at PicoBong, and always answer in the latter.